Nail Polish and Sparkly Mermen

Nothing makes me feel girlier than putting on a colorful splash of nail polish. Consequentially, nothing makes me feel more like a tomboy than when that polish chips the next day and I just leave it like that until it chips completely off. It's a pretty color, though.

The Monday routine is the same every week: Convincing myself to go to work because I have to, having a sodium-saturated Lean Cuisine for lunch because I never, ever go to the grocery store on the weekend, and usually a few hours of Netflix post-work to prepare myself for the rest of the week. Fun times. Of course, Monday is usually my designated day to wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life, and where I'm going with my future.

The future. What an infuriating concept. So much put onto something you can't predict or plan. Most of the time it scares the hell out of me. But at the same time the sensation of moving forward in life can be comforting in a progression-sense (let's see if I'll be saying that when I hit forty).

Before my life went to pieces and I had to start building a new one, the thought of my future felt very much like being adrift at see, helpless and out in the middle of God-knows-where. A listless meandering, if you will. For someone like me who had her whole college career planned out at the age of eight, that's a devastating feeling. I felt like I was going nowhere. Maybe at this point I can speculate that my marriage and commitment to another person (aka sticking around to put them through college to achieve their dreams) was weighing me down, but I can't say anything for sure. Point is I was stuck. Working retail kind of stuck. Ugh, what a gross feeling.

But now things feel different. I feel like I'm in a free fall, rapidly plummeting. I still have no idea where in the future I'm headed or what's going to happen when I get there, but at least I'm moving. At least I'm travelling in a straight direction. That's something, I guess. Sometimes you have to start small.

I'm debating between law school and graduate school. GRE or LSAT? The employment opportunity is pretty much the same at this point, as far as I can tell. And I'm conveniently running out of time to make my decision. Unfortunately for me this isn't one of those things you can wing and shrug your shoulders if it doesn't work out. At least I can't think of it that way. My response to this conundrum is to do some tricep dips in my office chair.

If I've learned anything in the recent years of my life, it's that the future will unfold in it's own right, regardless of it's pace or direction fits your preferences or not. It's the closest to a "go with the flow" mentality that I've ever gotten. I guess the best thing for me to do is keep paying the bills and stay alert for any opportunities. I'm not one hundred percent committed to the whole going back to school thing (who can be in this day and age unless they have a Bush or Kennedy-esque legacy on which to fall back on?) , but I'm for sure ready for some serious changes and improvements.

Maybe now is that time to go on a limb and write a bestseller. Hell all I have to do is write about a sparkly hot merman and a plain brunette love interest and I'll be making bank. So none of you better steal my sparkly merman idea.

Glitter + Tousled Hair + Emo Smoulder = $$$$$$