Transitioning to Where?

Transition periods in life can be tough to endure - especially when you have no idea what you're transitioning to.

Take me for instance. Where the hell am I going? Is life channeling me to a new career path, a better love life, not living with my parents because I'm destitute? Who knows. Certainly not me, and that's infuriating. I've always been the girl with the plan; I was plotting my college career when I was eight, for crying out loud. And now all of a sudden I can't even think of new life changes I would want to pursue, let alone how to pursue them. For the first time in my oh-so-young life, I'm completely clueless.

Well not completely. I have some ideas on how to make money, but who wants to base their life decisions entirely on the resulting moolah? Even I think that's trashy, and I'm pretty open-minded (at least I like to think so). That means I have to second guess every idea that I come up with - do I want to do it because I have a genuine interest or because there would be some sort of pay increase? Tough questions.

Not the most character-fulfilling life goal, is it? Yet everyone dreams about it, it would seem.

So with all of this in mind I ask myself every day: What do you want to do, Self? I never really have a good enough answer. I know what I want, sure; who doesn't? But those wants are going to get me nowhere unless I can come up with a half decent idea of what I want to do to achieve them.

How do you come up with an answer to such a question? Seems to me a majority of the population either magically knew their answer when they were young or somehow stumbled into it in the process of growing up. Post college the only lead I was pursuing was being with my husband and simply getting by, and look where I ended up with that brilliant plan.

Where am I going? What do I want to do?

I would be the first person to tell you that "I don't know" is an acceptable answer, because a lot of the time we are not supposed to know, yet I can't help but feel that I can't rely on that answer forever. Staying in the "I don't know" camp for any longer than is necessary means that life will go on without me, and who knows what directions it will fling me in if I don't start doing the navigating.

Maybe this is just part of the whole twenty-something experience. Or maybe I'm just over-thinking the whole damn thing. Like I always do when I traverse this train of though, my response is to shrug. Who knows?

Only time will tell, it would seem.